Sometimes a woman may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow “off;” and she may find herself asking, “Is my husband gay?”
Many women find this question unthinkable but according to Bonnie Kaye, M.ED., an expert in women married to gay men, it is estimated that 4 million women have been, or are, married to gay men. If a husband is gay, it can devastate not only the relationship but the straight wife as well.
The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you. If the husband is honest with both you and with himself, that is when you can truly know that he is gay.
Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of gay husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don’t reach this place of honesty on their own.
In many cases, it is the wife, who after suspecting that something is wrong, must confront the gay husband with the evidence, and only then can honesty be achieved.
But if you’re wondering, “Is my man gay,” it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for.
These are some of the signs;
1. He hates to talk about gays
Men who are secretly gay tend to show extreme hate towards any gay topic. When the topic comes up, they become agitated, angry and even homophobic in attitude. This only goes to show he is scared of being discovered or overcompensates by acting like he hates gay men.
He could also be feeling guilty of having a gay extramarital affair leaving him with confused feelings and self-hatred.
2. His eyes
Normal men will openly or secretly stare at a woman’s body. Find out what your man looks at? Do his eyes shift from man to man or does he make comments about other men’s dressing or fashion.
A straight man will NOT have his eyes wander to other men, not even subconsciously. If he makes eye contact with men, take note.
3. Hates getting intimate
Change in intimacy is a clear sign that your man is no longer interested in you, or he is getting it somewhere else. If he is getting it from a man, he will be openly disgusted at the thought of having sexual intercourse with you.
He could also indicate aggressive signs when you try to initiate sex. Chances are he is enjoying a different kind of sexual appetite apart from what you can offer
If your man changes his dressing style completely, either it is monumental life discovery for him or he is spending more time with a gay because he is gay. This could be stereotypical, but has been proven true.
Such a man suddenly becomes meticulous, changes products and begins wearing tighter t-shirts, trousers and increases shoe collection.
He could also take long in the bathroom, more than hour to get ready, very uncommon phenomena in straight men.
5. Gay Best Friend
You will tell if your man has acquired a taste for gay men, when he starts spending more time with other openly gay men. Monitor his friends, if there is one particular one he likes hanging around and you are well aware that the friend is gay then he could also be gay.
A gay man prefers being in the company of other gay men since it makes him feel acceptable and gets his feeling more normal. Check if he frequents gay bars in town or prefers watching gay adult movies.
More signs include:
- He erases the computer history on a regular basis.
- He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours.
- He starts to spend more time at the gym and works on changing his appearance.
- He claims that he feels “trapped” in the marriage and won’t explain why.
- He travels a lot for business and you can’t track his activities.
These signs a husband is gay are not meant to be definitive. A husband may be gay and display none of those signs or a husband may display these signs and not be gay. These signs of a gay husband are designed as a starting point.